Chapter 1: Acquisitions Incorporated

Acquisitions Incorporated was founded in Seattle, Washington, in a time spoken of in only hushed tones: the year 2009. It first saw life as a podcast, which, at the time, was an unusual way to play Dungeons & Dragons. The intervening decade saw Acq Inc take on many forms—streams, recorded content, comics, and, of course, live roleplaying shows. While these are all now completely normal ways to discover and enjoy D&D, back then, not so much. We just did it because it seemed like a cool idea, and ten years later, it seems like maybe we were right. Today, Acq Inc’s adventures continue, dutifully chronicled online at acq-inc.com.

Our intention with Acquisitions Incorporated was to bring dark office comedy to a world of swords, sorcery, dungeons, and (dare we say) dragons. This book, created in concert with Wizards of the Coast, sets you up for success in your own fantasy-business endeavors. Chapter 1 provides an orientation for new franchise members, detailing how to start a game and play the Acquisitions Incorporated way. Chapter 2 explores the various positions within an Acq Inc franchise, introducing a variety of roles vital to an adventuring enterprise’s success. Chapter 3 delves into backgrounds for Acq Inc franchise members, entrenching company goals at the core of their beings. In Chapter 4, all this comes together in an adventure taking characters from level 1 to 6, establishing a party’s claim on a world they’ve begun to explore and strip-mine for profit.

Following these chapters, appendix A presents stalwarts of the Acquisitions Incorporated world, founding members and characters from the company’s ongoing adventures. Appendix B details foes, from terrifying deep crows to infamous keg robots. Appendices C, D, and E conclude this guide with a variety of Acq Inc tools and treasures, from vehicles like the battle balloon to the mighty Orrery of the Wanderer.

Many hands worked diligently throughout the process of creating the Acquisitions Incorporated campaign and this resulting book. If you put your ear very close to the pages, you will hear us whisper, “thank you.”

It’s Just Business

With its roots set firmly in heroic fantasy, D&D might feel out of sync with modern-day business dealings. But the game and its settings are actually a perfect fit for such tropes. What better way to think of the big bad monster at the center of a web of even bigger and badder plans than as the CEO of a megacorporation, using every resource to dominate the market? What is an adventuring party but a limited-liability corporation, with each member contributing specialized skills to growing the brand and expanding a power base?

Likewise, hirelings, sidekicks, apprentices, and other paid laborers working for the heroes have been staples of Dungeons & Dragons since the earliest editions of the game. Charisma in AD&D was good for little other than determining how many followers your character might gather—and, more importantly, how much pain and suffering you could put those followers through before they abandoned you. The world of Acquisitions Incorporated returns these hired helpers to prominence for their importance to the campaign story. And, of course, for comic effect.

When the characters are relatively low level, an Acquisitions Incorporated style of play can present them with even more hurdles to overcome. The often bizarre, unfeeling, and surreal elements of corporate and business life can add a degree of danger or absurdity to even the most run-of-the-mill adventuring. And as the characters attain higher levels—and their franchise attains higher rank—their connections to Acquisitions Incorporated can help dial up the stakes of any adventure path. In an Acq Inc campaign, every NPC is a potential customer. Every bit of treasure found is an investment in the franchise and its future. Every other would-be hero is the competition, and every villain is the head of Evil Incorporated, just begging for some market volatility.

Money, as they say, makes the world go around. And as is true in real life, so it goes in the fantasy realm. The far-reaching power of global corporations allied with political power doesn’t just inform our own real world—it molds it. Bringing that concept of powerful corporations working with or against nobility to gain money, power, and influence into D&D adds another layer of depth to the story your campaigns create.

What Is Acquisitions Incorporated?

An Acquisitions Incorporated campaign has a unique texture, because it combines deeply ordinary clerical toil with multiverse-spanning stakes. And in the end, you never know which one of those tropes might save your life.

Acquisitions Incorporated is high fantasy by way of office comedy. Imagine the Fellowship of the Ring insisting they only trekked from nine to five. Think about Conan barbarously assailing his way up the corporate ladder. Or perhaps King Arthur insisting that Excalibur’s real magic lie in brand awareness, or Robin Hood pivoting the Merry Men toward a pyramid scheme.

Starting your own Acquisitions Incorporated franchise means stepping into a world of possibility. It opens up countless adventure hooks, rules for building and growing your own personalized base of operations, and a way to introduce Acquisitions Incorporated’s specific sense of farcical corporate culture, questionable morality, and unfolding narrative to your own game.

Within the world of Acquisitions Incorporated, the franchise is the center of brand expansion throughout the world of Faerûn and beyond, even as it provides a new set of tools for player expression and involvement. In a way, it provides players with a greater purpose to explore. And although entirely nonnegotiable, franchise fees are incredibly reasonable.

Our integrated Intern Success Pathway is a robust, unparalleled system for reliable growth year-on-year while maximizing your downstream.

• Omin Dran

A Corporate Prospectus

Throughout history, some people have had things and other people have wanted those things. But where most would gaze upon that arrangement and see an inescapable life of unfulfillment, Omin Dran saw a business opportunity. Thus was Acquisitions Incorporated born. In the years since, Omin and longtime employee (though less-longtime friend) Jim Darkmagic have turned a talent for redistribution of property into a reputation as the multiverse’s premier adventurers for hire.

Omin Dran, CEO of Acquisitions Incorporated and war priest of Tymora, is the very model of the modern Faerûn business mien. He prioritizes his responsibilities first to his shareholders (which is to say, himself); second to his goddess; and then at some later stage to the well-being of his employees. It’s definitely not third. But it’s up there somewhere.

Jim Darkmagic III comes from a long line of renowned wizards, but he turned his back on his family and his inheritance for a life on the stage—at least until well-paid heroics came calling. Jim and Omin’s unlikely partnership began when Jim was the only surviving candidate in the running for a hotly contested position with the company. (Any deaths incurred in this process were incidental, and not the result of the actions or negligence of Acq Inc.)

How It Started

Acquisitions Incorporated began as most adventuring groups do, with the wholesale removal of irksome kobolds, scouting ruined towers, delving into dwarven necropolis-cities, and abandoning wounded goblin hirelings named Splug to a terrible fate. The usual stuff. But in short order, Acq Inc traded kobolds for dragons, and upgraded ruined towers to eldritch temples. As the company grew, so too did its demand for willing and able-bodied adventurers. However, a limited payroll meant having to settle for one or the other.

After coming to the conclusion that a mission statement best described as “minion harvesting” sent the wrong message, Acquisitions Incorporated started an internship program. In accordance with the truism “you get what you pay for,” the very first Acq Inc intern died on his second assignment with the company. But like all good leaders, Omin Dran understood that truisms cut two ways, and he led the remaining team on a legendary trek through the Nine Hells to recover the soul of said intern. (Clearly, none of those hells paid for him either.)

The rogue Viari is one of Acquisitions Incorporated’s best internship success stories. In fact, he was so successful that he remained the company’s flagship intern for nearly a decade. He first joined Acquisitions Incorporated during an expedition into the Undermountain dungeons of Halaster Blackcloak (who, due to an ongoing defamation suit, we can no longer refer to as “the Mad Mage”). From regrowing his own arm after an unfortunate incident with the Apocalypse Dagger, to wrangling dinosaurs to win street races, Viari has earned something far more valuable than a regular salary with Acq Inc. He’s earned on-the-job experience.

Aggressive Expansion

Thanks to the company’s continuing success and robust internship program, Acquisitions Incorporated has long since outgrown garden-variety slaughter and disregard for public well-being. Môrgæn, an elf ranger from the Elsewynn, joined the team as a troubleshooter some time ago, and quickly showed that her propensity for slaughter and disregard for the public well-being is far beyond garden variety.

Môrgæn’s recruitment coincided with Acquisitions Incorporated acquiring its first airship. Diviners have theorized that this was no coincidence, but the combined psychic will of all mortal creatures to put as much distance between them and the ranger as possible. More practical minds see the folly in this, since the airship simply gave Môrgæn a better vantage point.

Beyond the core Acquisitions Incorporated crew, Omin Dran has overseen regular strategic expansion of the Acq Inc brand. The “C” Team, the “B” team, and numerous other franchise operations have been established, flying the Acq Inc flag, bearing the Acq Inc sigil, and—most crucially—paying a cut of the profits into company coffers on a monthly basis.

What the customer wants is not always what the customer needs… or gets.

• Jim Darkmagic

The Adventuring Biz

In the years between its founding and today, Acquisitions Incorporated has pried deep into the underbelly of Waterdeep, commandeered battle balloons above the jungles of Chult, faced down mechanical beholders, and robbed a bank operated by devils. The team has also rubbed shoulders with some of the most notorious figures in the Forgotten Realms, including bumping into Drizzt Do’Urden while journeying through the Underdark.

When Jim Darkmagic became afflicted with the Death Curse, there was no definitive proof that this was a direct result of his employment with Acquisitions Incorporated, or had been incurred while on assignment. However, as Omin had already made his stance on the subject of death and termination of employment contracts very clear, he sought to break the curse. Dabbling in some light cloning and contracting the help of a trash witch, the team managed to restore Jim to peak productivity. Never one to waste company resources, Omin also traded Jim’s clone to a devil. It seemed prudent at the time.

However, nothing in Acquisitions Incorporated’s storied history encapsulates the company’s efficacy better than the recovery of Omin’s sister, Auspicia Dran, from the Wandering Crypt. The specifics of her initial capture by that dread creature remain shrouded in mystery. Some say it was inspired by the evil actions of Omin’s other sister, Portentia Dran. Some also speculate that as the sole shareholder of Acq Inc, Omin founded the company for the express purpose of rescuing his beloved sister. Acquisitions Incorporated will not be making further statements on the matter at this time.

No Competition

The company’s mounting successes have led, of course, to imitators and rivals. The Six, counting among their number a certain left-for-dead goblin now named Splugoth the Returned, have been a persistent splinter in the Acq Inc corporate paw for ages. Suggesting that acquisition is a family business, Omin’s own sister Portentia now runs and serves a competing company called Dran Enterprises. Originally founded by what turned out to be a false version of Omin’s lost sister, Auspicia, Dran Enterprises has long sought to execute a hostile takeover of Acquisitions Incorporated. All such efforts have been skillfully rebuffed, of course, with Acq Inc embracing its place as an always-independent (and clearly superior) operation.

Riding its past success into a completely deliberate and planned expansion across the multiverse, Acquisitions Incorporated shows no signs of slowing down. (Because that would likely require self-reflection and measured responses that are historically off-brand.) And that expansion means new franchises. The first step was Ravnica, a city run by guilds and simply overflowing at the practicability of acquisition for hire. But beyond that? Infinite possibilities. Because wherever people want things they don’t currently have, Acquisitions Incorporated will be there, asking them to sign.

Fast Franchise Generator

No time to read the whole book? Who can blame you! (What is this thing, like 200 pages? Yikes.) To get a taste of the awesomeness that is an Acquisitions Incorporated franchise, just roll up any number of critical franchise elements from the tables on this page. (DMs can also do this if they want to shirk the work of creating rival franchises from whole cloth. Slackers.)

Franchise Logos or Livery

Headquarters Locations

Headquarters Quirks

Memorable Majordomos

Reliable Connections